tear stains

not every tear i cried has been of grief and loss and pain times I laughed so hard, cheeks traced with stains

those crazy things she said and did, i couldn't help but howl i needed that, this disease has been so fucking foul like when i’d ask for a cup of tea and she would bring six the graffiti on my bedroom wall that read: ❤️ Mum xxx when she'd burst out into a ludicrous song when she gifted my friend a half used bottle of lube...So Flipping Wrong! and it was funny when she got things a little distorted convinced friends Rhi was pregnant, Ross had been adopted my uncle was in Corrie, pulling pints in The Rovers

he'd take a pill to shrink his belly, let it go when takes were over

there were teary tender moments that made my heart bloom she said "you really love me don't you" stepping into her new room her joyful face thinking the baby in my arms was mine times i prayed for her and she'd settle down, unwind there were tears that tore us wide apart

she screamed at me in the doctors, bruising my heart

she anxiously paced for weeks, feet covered in sores she stayed at my sisters, pissed on her bedroom floor

i miss her completely now she rarely opens her eyes and there is little left in her i even recognise when will she go home to heaven, be herself again where every tear is wiped away, where there is no more pain